Fair Weather Friends

    So yesterday I went shopping for my wedding dress! Yay for me! I found what I wanted as well as all the bridesmaids dresses on the first and only store I've been to! I don't know why people make it so difficult... Where was I? Oh yeah... I was shopping with 2 of my 3 bridesmaids. One is a flight attendant and who knows where in the world she is. We talk all the time, but shes in a different place every night. We're having this grand old time being girly and doing wedding stuff, and an old friend I told waaaaay back in high school should could be my bridesmaid got her panties in a big ol' wad about not being there.
   You know fair weather friends... the ones who are there because life is good and it benefits them? Yeah, this is one of those. She just doesn't understand why I didn't make her a bridesmaid! Hello... are you that much of an idiot. Here... let me spell this out for you if you have figured out how to read something other than a Harry Potter book yet...

1. You haven't spoken to me in years unless you wanted something from me. A ride because your fat ass is to lazy to walk to the next building. Me to bring you food because you don't feel like walking from a flight of stairs. A couch to sleep several nights on because you can't wait the 2 more days for dorms to open. For Gods sake... stop asking me to do menial job shit for you and get off your lazy ass to get your own food!

2. This one's real easy. YOU. HATE. MY. FUTURE. HUSBAND. Yes you do. You've told me 1,000 times you hate him. Not sure why, he's gone out of his way to be nice to you. You lied to him and said one of his friends took your virginity and said he raped you when he did not such thing. C'mon... do you think I'm that dumb? Especially when go you screw half the drumline before band camp is even over! That guy by the way is the best man, oh the irony if I made you walk down the aisle with him. You also clapped him over the ear and made him deaf when he told you your shirt looked nice. that I'll never understand. You yelled at him when all he asked you to do as move your car out of the grass in our front yard. No, he's not being a dick. Our landlord said no cars on the grass dumb shit... get it?

3. I'm pretty sure you don't like me anyways. So why would you want to be a bridesmaid? You called me fat in front of my friends. The only reason I didn't slap the shit out of your pock marked face was because I was in a professional environment and in charge of teaching kids. You don't even like my friends! Well, you like some a little much but others you hate. All you do is complain about them. Everytime I talk to you it's you complaining about somebody doing something that ruins your life. Get over it you little drama queen and go find someone to stick up your vag like usual.

   So... there it is. Fair weather friends suck. Never there to help you out, and only there when everything is great. Not this time however. I want my bridesmaids to be the 3 people who help me through rough times in my life. It's like the 3 angels of sorts. One gives me sage advice when I'm down. One dishes out death threats. One says to shut up and take this shot. All have helped me through one time or another when I needed it so they will be by my side at the best time in my life! This bird goes to all those flighty ass fair weather friends and a nice kick in the ass. Here's to you!