Bitches Can't Read!

   Hi! How are you? I feel bad we haven't talked in a while. I've been busy... with a new job! And it is waaay better than Pizza Hell. I work at good ole Wal-Mart now as your friendly neighborhood cashier. While working here, I have noticed that very people know how to read or count. OK, people gather around and heed the warning in my story. Should you have 2 buggies completely overflowing with merchandise, DO NOT COME TO THE 20 ITEMS OR LESS LINE!!!!! I dream about gouging your eyes out with those 300 spoons you decided were incredible important to buy right now and could not wait the extra 10 seconds to walk to a regular fucking register. For god's sake man, I only have so much room up here to pile your shit up and those people behind you in line hate your fucking guts. But that's ok, you're our star customer right? Everyone loves you, so you deserve this right? Why don't you take you God damn groceries and ride an seizuring pony to land of FUCK YOU?!?!
   That's another thing, I'm not a damn architect! I am not Ted Mosby, so when you see me constructing an intricate pile of your bullshit groceries on a spinning turntable, it's not because I love architecture. It's because your fat ass is lazy to pick up your own shit. Maybe if you quit eating 10 pounds of burritos for dinner (I guess that's how much... you only bought 15 packs!) you wouldn't feel to weak to pick up your own groceries. I love Tetris as much as the next guy, but finding a place to put eggs on top of a love child from a one night stand between the Eiffel Tower and the Leaning Tower of Pizza made of junk food is not my idea of a fun pastime.
   One final bit of acidic anger towards the dumbass Wal-Mart consumers... I cannot read your bank account. I have no idea how much money is in your gift card or checking account by looking at it and the computer is not going to tell me either. Stop asking. I can put random numbers in the computer and maybe one of them will go through, but I honestly cannot looking into that black strip on the back with my magic eyeballs and read your account. If I could, I wouldn't be working at Wal-Mart. I'd probably be in a laboratory somewhere getting dissected. So I guess it's good I can't do that... you fucking dumbass.

This bird goes to all you fucking dumbasses who failed kindergarten where we learned to read and count.

   On a good note, well great note actually, I've decided to end this with some happiness because that's what Nice Peter says to do. Who the hell is that you ask? Go look him up on the YouTube. He is probably most known for his EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! I like his actual music though. He's really good, and the songs Best Spot in the Lot and Superman Socks make me smile even when I'm around Wal Mart customers who I want to scalp.